The Strength of a Softer Grip
In our competitive, digitally connected world, we are often taught to view power as something that must be forcefully exerted. We are taught to believe that leadership requires ruling and that protecting our peace requires rigid self-righteousness.
Have you ever noticed how exhausting it can be to try to control the outcome of every situation in your life?
Holding on too tightly, often stemming from a lack of self-contentment, can leave our nervous systems feeling brittle and strained. This defensive state can close us off from the natural flow of life.
What if true influence doesn’t require force? In Verse 10 of my new book, Embodying the Tao, we explore a different kind of strength—one that is tender rather than tough, allowing us to lead our lives without the need to rule them.
Lao Tzu uses the metaphor of a newborn infant: they lack status, have no agenda, and do not feel the need to manage their surroundings. Yet they are incredibly resilient and vital because they are completely relaxed in their own skin.
Verse 10: The Strength of Softness
Can you integrate body and soul
Thus, remain centered in your connection with all
Can you relax into your physical form
Connect with your subtle energy and thus, be like a newborn
Can you enter a pool of water, wait until it calms
Then see the depths reflected on its surface
Can you love and lead others without self-importance
As you open and close the gates to eternal wisdom
Can you do so with openness, tenderness, and wonder
Give birth and nourish
Have without possessing
Work without claiming
Lead without ruling
Doing so integrates you with the ultimate oneness
The great mystery of the Tao
Reflection
In our highly competitive world, we are culturally conditioned to view power as something that must be forcefully exerted. We are taught to believe that leading requires ruling, and that success requires aggressively claiming credit.
However, Verse 10 asks a series of challenging questions that invite you to consider a different kind of strength, one that is tender rather than tough. It asks if you can embrace the state of being like a newborn. Infants have no brand, no status, and no agenda, yet they are incredibly resilient and vital because they are completely relaxed in their own skin.
When you’re overly focused on your self-importance, you often close yourself off from others. You become protective of your territory instead of engaging with the great mystery of life. This verse teaches that true influence comes from the ability to nourish without the need to possess or exert control. This is the true essence of benevolence and compassion.
When you lead without the need to rule, you are no longer in conflict with those around you. You become a collaborative conduit. This is the ultimate oneness—the realization that when you stop trying to stand apart from the world, or above it, you finally find your place within it.
Somatic Invitation
Find a comfortable seated or standing posture. Raise your hands to a goalpost position, with your elbows extended to the sides at shoulder height, bent at ninety degrees, and your hands lifted to the sky in soft fists.
As you exhale, curl your body forward, tucking your chin to your chest and rounding your spine. Feel the stretch from the base of your skull to your tailbone, as if you are gently closing your gates to protect your inner center.
As you inhale, uncurl and gently extend backward. Tip your chin slightly toward the sky and let your elbows fall back, opening your chest wide to the sky above. Imagine that you are opening up to the world with tenderness, compassion, and wonder. Feel the stretch along the front of your body, creating space for your heart and your middle tan tien, the energy center located in the center of your chest, to expand.
Repeat this curling-and-uncurling cycle slowly for three minutes, moving with the slow rhythm of your breath. As you finish, bring your hands to rest over your chest at the level of your heart. Notice the sense of aliveness in your spine and the softness in your chest.
Carry this state of openness—along both the front and back of your body, as well as your emotional heart—with you as you return to the demands of your day.
Silently say for yourself: I relax into my physical form. I lead without ruling or claiming.
